I was reading a friends blog about the recent birth of her new nephew and the cycle of life. I got to thinking it is crazy how things work.
It will have been one year on November 28th that I lost one of the most important people in my life. Just 2 months prior to that my son was born. Sometimes when I think about it I feel like babies are born around the time that someone dies not just as maybe a replacement for the person passing on but also as something positive for the family. A baby is a new beginning and I really truly feel that my son was born to help me from thinking so hard and being so sad all the time about the loss of my grandfather. My grandfather's nephew told us at my grandfather's funeral that he had a recording of him playing his guitar and singing while he and his brother sat on the front porch of their house. Now the recording was from the 1960's but it is still my grandfather and his wonderful voice. Bob said that when we were ready he would find someone that could convert the old tapes to CD for us and he would make copies for all of us. Well he came through and we all got one.
I listen to it every now and then when I start to think of my grandfather and really miss him. As soon as it begins to play and I hear his voice I am instantly in tears thinking about how I will never see his smiling face again and how much I wish I could just touch him and hug him one last time. Tell him thank you for all the things that he did for me and my brother growing up. I may not have acted like I appreciated it then but when I look back on it he was like another parent to my brother and I. When he didn't have to be. I wish I could have thanked him for everything cooking for us, cleaning our rooms and doing our laundry just to name a few. All those little things mean so much to me now because he chose to do them he didn't have to. He did more for us than can ever be said. He was one of the greatest men I have ever known and I miss him so much.
When he got sick with C.O.P.D. and Neil and I got engaged and right around the time of our wedding in 2006 there were times when I would cry and tell Neil I don't know what I will do without my grandfather in my life. I just can't imagine what it will be like to walk into the house that I grew up in and not see him sitting there in his recliner painting or making beautiful music with his guitar. Well that day came and went in a flash and I thank God everyday that he has blessed me with a wonderful husband and 2 really great kids to help me through this last year. The one thing I told my Dad that I wanted when my grandfather died was his recliner. That chair was apart of him. It was where you could always find him. There or in the basement bathroom! It may not have always been the same chair but it was his and I wanted something that was his that would give me a memory of him.
My husband and kids!
In the last few months I have come to appreciate and love my husband so much more than I think in our entire 8 years together. I am not even sure why but I feel so much closer to him than I ever have. I am more in love with him now than the day I told him I love you for the first time. I am probably the happiest I have ever been at this moment as well and I am not really sure why. Financially we are not very well off and have this one annoying credit card that has been haunting us. But our financials don't bother me or at least I am not letting them bother me. I have come to realize since the birth of my kids that we may not have much money but we are happy and that is what matters most in my life.
In the last year loved ones have been taken from me and new ones have been born. What more can I ask for? My life is great right now and I just hope that it continues to be wonderful into the next year.
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